Man-Law is a lot like feminism.
They are both annoying and obnoxious, are poor representations of either sexuality, and come dangerously close to a homosexual combustion.
The way you guys feel about a hairy-pitted, screaming skin head feminist is exactly the way we feel towards a rude, beer guzzling, anal retentive homophobe who cant even feel comfortable if a pastel color is woven into his plaid for fear of somehow being possessed by the anal penetration demon.
I had this one friend, bless his rotten heart, who wore a storm trooper costume 5 sizes too small on Halloween. He also wears Christmas sweaters when he feels festive near that special time of year, and sometimes he listens to Madonna because she’s awesome (she sang about screwing and masturbation at a time when clit-diddling was thought heinous and evil). This friend of mine was nothing but straight. Straight as spaghetti. And he is one of the coolest males I’ve met.
Man Law is stupid.
It is like a bible for little rosy-cheeked boys who want to be men.
Let us look back on ancient literature. The Code of Hammurabi comes from about 1750 BC. It is probably the oldest recorded code of law in the world. Rule 128 of this document stipulates: “If a man take a woman to wife, but have no intercourse with her, this woman is no wife to him.”
This is understandable, I guess.
Now let us look at a real live Man Law: “When toasting with beer, should you clink with the top or the bottom of the bottle? Reply: The Bottom, because clinking the top would swap saliva and thus qualify as kissing.”
WHAT THE FUCK? HOW DO YOU MAKE THE JUMP FROM A JOLLY MIRTHFUL CLINKING OF GLASSES IN COMMEMORATION OF A HAPPY TIME TO GUY ON GUY ACTION? Jesus Christ!
Exhibit B: “Is it acceptable for a wife or girlfriend to store items other than beer in the garage fridge? No. The line is the line – It is the only sovereign territory left.” If you married some straight-edge cunt who doesn’t drink nor agree that one fridge should be dedicated to booze and booze alone that is your failure.
Don’t marry a bitch.
Exhibit C: “Interference for the purpose of attempting to steal someone’s girlfriend is an unspeakable crime and will result in a total loss of respect and reputation.” Fuck that! If someone else is willing to put forth more effort to win a girl, so be it. She belongs with him. You snooze you lose. There’s a cute little rule for you.
I could go on but for the sake of Miller Lite, which tastes like fizzy, watered-down molasses by the way, I wont.
If you have to follow a set of rules and restrictions in order to be a man, and you find yourself breaking them and being corrected by your fellow apes more often than not, and calling out others for their man misdemeanors, perhaps it is time to consider that these rules are repressing your natural urges and behaviors. These NATURAL behaviors are primitive. Freely and unselfconsciously indulging in your primitive fucked up, quirky, sometimes insanely “queer” tendencies is real masculinity. Being a man is being yourself and not apologizing for it.
That doesn’t mean pink shirts and popped collars are the new cool by any means. It just means that Tyler Durden’s fuzzy coffee cup bathrobe, Johnny Depp’s love of exotic wines, and your cute tendency to dance silly when you’re drunk … is.